My mind has really been playing tricks on me lately. I've spent so much time catastrophizing about my feet and this upcoming half marathon I'm running in two weeks, that it really has me in a bad spot. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the idea that one day my feet can run 9 miles in the pouring rain and love every minute of it. Yet a three mile run a few days before or after that has my feet in a total tizzy and me feeling like it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's as if my spirit and I want to do one thing but I'm living in a body that is broken and will only cooperate on occasion. In fact, here are a few of the things my mind has been telling me lately:
What if my feet don't get better?
What if I never can run like I did before?
What if my foot cramps up during the half?
What if I can't get the charlie horse to go away?
What if I can't breathe because I've been missing runs?
What if my toes go numb?
What if I can't make it up the hills?
What if my feet feel heavy that day?
What if I can't keep up?
What if my feet are throbbing?
What if I have to walk?
What if I can't finish?
What if....what if.....what if?
Not good, I know. After some wise council and a good talk with a friend, I've decided I need to fill this head of mine with all the positive what ifs. It's not always an easy thing to do but just trying it the last couple hours has brought hope and a bright spot into my day.
What if I wake up race morning feeling great?
What if my feet don't cramp up?
What if I feel light on my feet?
What if the nerves in my feet don't bother me to run up hills?
What if I experience no charlie horses?
What if I can turn a corner without my feet hurting?
What if I can run the whole way?
What if I feel like I can breathe?
What if I can run pain-free?
What if my feet are happy?
What if I hardly notice them?
What if I feel like I could run forever?
For me right now, all my what ifs seem to be about my feet. Maybe your what ifs are about your weight or exercise? Regardless, I know for me, If I can find peace and joy in the second list of what ifs, then regardless of what happens on race day, I'll be a winner!