Thursday, June 7, 2012

What if?

My mind has really been playing tricks on me lately.  I've spent so much time catastrophizing about my feet and this upcoming half marathon I'm running in two weeks, that it really has me in a bad spot. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the idea that one day my feet can run 9 miles in the pouring rain and love every minute of it.  Yet a three mile run a few days before or after that has my feet in a total tizzy and me feeling like it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's as if my spirit and I want to do one thing but I'm living in a body that is broken and will only cooperate on occasion. In fact, here are a few of the things my mind has been telling me lately:

What if my feet don't get better?
What if I never can run like I did before?
What if my foot cramps up during the half?
What if I can't get the charlie horse to go away?
What if I can't breathe because I've been missing runs?
What if my toes go numb?
What if I can't make it up the hills?
What if my feet feel heavy that day?
What if I can't keep up?
What if my feet are throbbing?
What if I have to walk? 
What if I can't finish?
What if....what if.....what if?

Not good, I know. After some wise council and a good talk with a friend, I've decided I need to fill this head of mine with all the positive what ifs. It's not always an easy thing to do but just trying it the last couple hours has brought hope and a bright spot into my day.

What if I wake up race morning feeling great?
What if my feet don't cramp up?
What if I feel light on my feet?
What if the nerves in my feet don't bother me to run up hills?
What if I experience no charlie horses?
What if I can turn a corner without my feet hurting?
What if I can run the whole way?
What if I feel like I can breathe?
What if I can run pain-free?
What if my feet are happy?
What if I hardly notice them?
What if I feel like I could run forever?

For me right now, all my what ifs seem to be about my feet. Maybe your what ifs are about your weight or exercise? Regardless, I know for me, If I can find peace and joy in the second list of what ifs, then regardless of what happens on race day, I'll be a winner!

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  1. "You shall not be afraid of the terror by night. Nor of the arrow that flies by day. Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness. Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday. A thousand may fall at your side and ten thousand at your right hand; but it shall not come near you." Love you.
    ❀ Tammy
    Forever in First

  2. Philippians 4:6-7, You are in good hands Paige! I am happy to pray for you during this time of training and your race!

  3. What if you listen to some totally fun awesome music and just dance your way across that finish line having the time of your life? Go for it Paige and if you have to slow and walk, it's okay ;)

  4. Good luck Paige - I know you'll do awesome!

  5. What half marathon are you doing again? I am sure you will do great. You are amazing!!!!

  6. I completley understand the "what if" feelings. I have an autoimmune disease and I am constantly saying "what if". I look back and now realize that it has gotten me no where. I quit working out, gave up on my eating, and many other things only to blame it all on my autoimmune disease. I love the idea of making my "what ifs" positive and I'm going to give this a try!!!

  7. Wow, Paige. Thank you for giving me a new way to 're-direct' my 'stinkin thinkin'. A positive 'what if' scenario is just what the doctor ordered. You can do this. I will pray that your feet will not fail you. :D Isaiah 40:31

    Thank you again for your inspiration!

  8. My first and only half, I ran the first 5 miles and walked the rest. The first 5 miles were very downhill and I got awful, huge blisters on the ball of my feet. However, I finished and it was awesome!!! I have to wear my shoes loose due to some of the same issues you are having with your feet... I started biking (and LOVE it) because the pain in my feet was too much. Some days I will walk or do the elliptical at the gym. I'm not sad about not running (as much), I just looked at it as an opportunity to try other things to keep my weight off (87lbs) I wish you the best of luck! You will be great! Love your blog!!