After my 4 mile run yesterday, I hiked up Table Rock (a short hike that overlooks the city where we live) with a group of young girls from church. My daughter had my phone and was taking pictures with her friends as I enjoyed our accomplishment as well, as the gusty wind blowing against my body, when McKenna happened to capture this one of me. I'm not one to usually draw attention to myself in anyway, but for some reason this picture speaks to me in so many ways and on so many levels. It moves me to a very deep place in my soul. (In fact, here come the tears again.)
There are many things that come to mind when I see this picture, but the two feelings that have filled my eyes with water more than once since last night are freedom and forgiveness. It's as if the heavens were opened and God was speaking directly to me. He wanted me to know, feel, and accept a few things, and by placing me in this picture at the right place and at the right time did just the trick.
Paige, you finally can feel freedom! Freedom to move about in a body that for so long has held you back from becoming the person you are today. Freedom from feeling trapped and alone and as if you were suffocating in your own surroundings. Freedom from disregarding all the negative things the voice in your head has trained you to hear for so many years. Freedom to try new and hard things. Freedom to eat what you want, when you want and not feel guilty because you know you are the one now in control. Freedom to be more assertive in certain situations because your self-confidence has changed. Freedom to finally be the person you have always dreamed and wanted to be.
And the second part, forgiveness. Forgiveness for spending so many years of your life not taking care of the body that was so graciously given you. Forgiveness for the hours and moments you spent telling yourself you couldn't do it. Forgiveness for making bad choices when it came to putting food into your body. Forgiveness for not having the desire to be educated sooner. Forgiveness for being lazy and unmotivated. Forgiveness from robbing valuable time and years away from your family.
I know that there was never a time on my journey or even now that my Heavenly Father didn't believe in me and what I was fully capable of. These were just things I needed to learn and overcome in order to be who I am today.
How grateful I am that my sweet McKenna helped me capture this special moment. There are so many things that a person goes through when transforming their body that sometimes different parts of the journey hit us at different times. This one for me was very cleansing and just a reminder of what I've done, how far I've come, and what I deserve to be!